Am I Avoiding or Resting? Learning the Difference When You're Burnt Out
You cancel plans for the third time this week. You scroll your phone for hours, not because you want to, but because you can’t think of what else to do. You tell yourself you’re “resting,” but deep down, you’re not sure it’s actually helping. …sound familiar?
If you’re a high-functioning, overachieving adult, it can be hard to tell whether you’re actually resting or just avoiding. And when burnout is brewing, that line gets even blurrier.
Rest Isn’t Always Restorative
Burnout doesn’t always look like total collapse. More often, it’s a slow erosion of your capacity to care or show up the way you used to. You might:
Avoid messages, even from people you care about
Delay everyday tasks, telling yourself you’ll “do it later”
Zone out with endless scrolling, binge-watching, or sleeping too much
This isn’t laziness. This is a reminder that emotional avoidance is a protective mechanism, especially when you’re mentally overwhelmed. It gives your nervous system a break, but it also stops you from engaging in the kinds of rest that actually recharge you.
Avoidance vs. Rest: How Can You Tell the Difference?
A helpful question to ask yourself is: “How do I feel afterward?”
Resting
Feels like... intentional, soothing, re-engergizing
Afterward… You feel more present, have more engery, feel focused, and capable
Examples… Taking a mindful walk, taking a color walk, journaling, creative hobbies, calling a friend
Avoiding
Feels like… numbing, avoiding how you feel, putting things off, checked out, guilt-ridden
Afterward… You feel more stressed, disconnected, dazed, and embarrassement
Examples… Scrolling endlessly, ghosting people, putting things off, not addressing how you are actually feeling
Why High-Functioning People Fall Into Avoidance
At Better Minds Counseling & Services, we often work with clients who are considered “high-functioning” or “overachievers.” They’re used to showing up, being productive, and carrying the emotional weight of others. But just because you’re doing a lot, doesn’t mean you’re not burned out (maybe go back and read that sentence again).
Overachievers often:
See rest as a weakness
Struggle with guilt if they’re not producing something
Confuse productivity with self-worth
Delay care for themselves until a breaking point
In these cases, avoidance sneaks in because it feels more familiar than slowing down.
3 Things You Can Do to Check In With Yourself
Before you book a vacation or scroll your way into another hour of “nothing,” try these simple steps to assess whether you’re avoiding or truly resting:
1. Create a 10-Minute Window of Mindful Rest
Try a short walk without your phone (this is where a color walk can help). Sit outside with a cup of coffee (as long as it isn’t your fourth one of that day). Journal without a goal (get those thoughts on paper and out of mind). Notice what your body actually feels like when it's not distracted. Do you feel calm or restless? Your body knows what it needs. (this can be challenging if you find yourself often pushing how you feel off to the side).
2. Track How You Feel After "Rest"
For a few days, jot down how you feel after different types of downtime. Watching Netflix might feel relaxing, but does it leave you recharged? If the answer is no, explore other types of rest: creative, emotional, or social.
3. Ask Yourself: What Am I Avoiding?
Gently notice if something specific is being avoided like emails, decisions, a hard conversation, or even your own emotions. You’re not bad for avoiding, it’s your nervous system protecting you. But naming it gives you back some power.
5 Ways Therapy Can Help You Reclaim Rest
While there are tools you can use on your own, therapy offers a deeper, more sustained way to heal from burnout and unlearn the habit of avoidance.
1. Clarify the Difference Between Your Needs and Numbing
Therapists help you identify what you’re truly seeking—comfort, space, permission—and offer healthier ways to meet those needs.
2. Unpack the Guilt Around Rest
So many high-functioning people believe they need to earn rest. Therapy can challenge the internalized beliefs (often rooted in childhood or culture) that tell you “you’re lazy” if you’re not constantly moving.
3. Interrupt the Avoidance Cycle With Compassion
You’ll learn how to recognize avoidance without shame—and replace it with behaviors that actually nourish you. This includes practicing small, safe steps toward re-engaging with what you’ve been avoiding.
4. Build a Personalized Rest Routine That Works for You
Not everyone rests the same. Therapy helps you experiment with what actually restores your energy based on your personality, preferences, and stress patterns.
5. Address the Root Causes of Burnout
Often, burnout isn’t just about doing too much—it’s about unprocessed emotions, blurred boundaries, or unspoken needs. A therapist helps you get to the source so you can heal, not just cope.
You Deserve More Than Survival Mode
Avoidance is understandable; it has helped you until this point. It happens when you’ve pushed past your capacity for too long. But labeling numbing as “rest” won’t help you heal. And you don’t have to figure this out alone.
At Better Minds Counseling & Services, our therapists work with high-achieving, high-functioning adults every day, people who look like they have it all together but feel like they’re barely keeping up inside. We know what burnout looks like behind the scenes. And we know how to help you rest without guilt.
If you're unsure whether you're avoiding or truly caring for yourself, that's your sign to reach out.
Let’s find your way back to rest that actually restores you. And we are the ones to help. Start therapy here.
