When Perfectionism Is Hurting More Than It’s Helping
When you think you are getting ahead and detail-oriented, you are just spending energy and wasting time…
What Is Perfectionism, Really?
Perfectionism isn’t just “wanting to do a good job.” It’s the voice in your head that tells you “you aren’t good enough, you can do better”. That unless it’s flawless, you’ve failed. It shows up like a motivator, but really, it’s fear wearing a productivity mask.
As a therapist, I hear this all the time:
“I just want to do my best.”
But when we slow down, it often sounds more like:
“If I’m not the best, I feel like I’m not enough.”
“If I make a mistake, people will think less of me.”
“If I don’t do it all, I’ll fall behind.”
And that’s when perfectionism starts doing more harm than good.
How Perfectionism Hurts You (Even If It Feels Productive)
On the outside, perfectionism can look like ambition or excellence. You're the reliable friend. The one who always delivers. The one who’s three steps ahead, color-coded planner in hand. You might even get praised for it:
“Wow, you’re so on top of everything!”
“How do you do it all?”
But on the inside? It’s a totally different story.
Burnout from constantly pushing yourself
Anxiety and guilt when you’re not being productive
Procrastination because the pressure to do it “perfectly” makes it hard to even start
Low self-worth because you tie your value to how much you achieve
Difficulty resting or enjoying the moment because there’s always more to fix, do, or improve
Does this next part sounds like you? You finally get a weekend to yourself. No work, no obligations. You could nap, relax, even binge that show you’ve been saving. But instead? You clean your apartment, organize your dresser drawer, ask friends if they need any help, and start planning meals for the next month. If you sit still too long, the guilt creeps in. You could be doing more. You should be doing more.
That’s the trap of perfectionism: it makes you feel like you’re never doing enough, even when you’re already doing too much.
Signs You Might Be a Perfectionist (and It’s Draining You)
You feel guilty when you relax, even when you need rest.
You rewrite texts and emails over and over, afraid of being misunderstood.
You beat yourself up for small mistakes, even ones no one else noticed.
You avoid trying new things unless you know you’ll excel.
You struggle to delegate or ask for help, fearing others won’t do it “right.”
You measure your worth by how much you get done or how “put together” you look.
3 Things You Can Start Doing to Loosen Perfectionism’s Grip
Start noticing your “shoulds.”
Pay attention to how often you say, “I should…”
→ “I should work out more.”
→ “I should’ve been more productive today.”
→ “I should know how to handle this.”
Then ask yourself: Where is this pressure coming from? Is it you or someone else’s expectations?Let B- work be enough.
Not everything has to be an A+. That spreadsheet doesn’t need 12 fonts. That presentation doesn’t need you to lose sleep over it. That Instagram post? It doesn’t need a clever caption and perfect lighting. Done is better than perfect, especially when perfection is draining your energy and joy.Practice self-kindness (especially when it feels hard).
Self-compassion isn’t just a buzzword. It’s a skill. Start by talking to yourself like you would a close friend. Would you call her a failure for needing rest? Would you tell her she’s lazy for setting boundaries? You deserve the same care and gentleness you offer everyone else.
5 Ways a Therapist Can Help You with Perfectionism
Help you identify where your perfectionism comes from.
Together, you can explore the deeper roots, like early praise for overachieving, fear of disappointing others, or being the “strong one” in your family or workplace. Resolving the past while you are in the present will only help your future self.Challenge all-or-nothing thinking.
Perfectionism often says, “If I’m not amazing, I’ve failed.” Therapy helps you find the middle ground: “I can be human and still be worthy.”Redefine what success actually means.
Does success have to be constant hustle and no peace? In therapy, you can reshape what success looks like, maybe it's rest, ease, softness, connection, balance.Learn how to rest without guilt.
Rest isn’t a reward you earn by burning out. It’s a requirement. Therapy can help you build rest into your routine without shame and without the voice that says you haven’t done “enough.”Create healthier coping strategies.
Instead of perfectionism driving your life, therapy gives you tools to handle stress, fear of failure, and uncertainty in more sustainable ways.
Perfectionism might have helped you feel safe, loved, or in control a time or two. But now, it might be hurting your body, your relationships, and your mental health. You don’t have to keep living with the pressure to be “perfect.”
You’re allowed to do less. You’re allowed to make mistakes. You’re allowed to be human.
Ready to Let Go of the Pressure? The therapists at Better Minds Counseling & Services are here to help you step out of perfectionism and into a life that actually feels like yours. Reach out today, imperfections welcome.
