Why the Holidays Can Feel So Lonely When You’re Single
There’s a particular kind of quiet that settles in during the holidays. It’s not just the absence of noise, it’s the absence of someone. Someone to split traditions with. Someone to text when you’re stuck at the airport. Someone whose family photos you’d quietly analyze and imagine yourself fitting into.
For single men and women, the holidays can amplify loneliness in a way that feels both heavy and confusing. You may be doing “fine” most of the year. You may like your independence. You may even enjoy your life. And yet, when November and December roll around, something shifts.
Suddenly, everything feels louder… and emptier… at the same time.
If this resonates, you’re not dramatic. You’re not ungrateful. And you’re definitely not alone.
“You are not supposed to feel sad during the holiday… only joy and happiness. That is a bunch of BS. You are allowed to feel as you feel.”
Why the Holidays Can Intensify Loneliness When You’re Single
The holidays are built around togetherness. Even the language we use, - “home for the holidays”, “bring a plus-one”, “family dinner”, “can’t wait to meet your sister’s new boyfriend”, grandma asks “when are you going to get married” yet you are not even dating —reinforces the idea that closeness should look a certain way.
When you’re single, especially if you didn’t expect to be, this season can quietly press on old wounds and unmet hopes.
Here’s why it can hit so hard:
1. The World Becomes a Highlight Reel of Togetherness
Holiday content is everywhere. Engagement announcements. Matching pajamas. Cozy couple photos. Family group shots with captions like “So grateful for my people.”
Even if you logically know social media isn’t the full picture, emotionally, it can still sting.
You might find yourself thinking:
Everyone else has someone.
I’m the only one doing this alone.
I thought my life would look different by now.
These thoughts aren’t facts, but they can feel very real in the moment.
2. It’s Easy to Romanticize the Past (Even When It Wasn’t Good)
One of the most painful parts of holiday loneliness is how tempting it is to rewrite history.
You might catch yourself missing:
An ex you felt lonely with
A relationship that required constant self-abandonment
A dynamic where you felt chosen sometimes—but anxious most of the time
Logically, you know it wasn’t healthy. You remember the arguments, the inconsistency, the way you shrank yourself. And yet, during the holidays, your brain edits the story.
Suddenly, it’s:
At least I wasn’t alone
At least someone cared
At least I had plans
This isn’t weakness. It’s the nervous system seeking familiarity during a vulnerable time.
3. Grief Shows Up—Even If No One Died
Holiday loneliness often carries grief, even if it doesn’t look like traditional grief.
You may be mourning:
The relationship you hoped would last
The version of yourself you thought you’d be by now
A future that hasn’t arrived yet
This grief can coexist with gratitude. You can love your life and feel sad. Both can be true.
“Loneliness has a way of softening the sharp edges of the past, even when the past hurt you.”
Other Emotions That Commonly Show Up During Holiday Loneliness
Loneliness rarely comes alone. It often brings friends.
You might notice:
Sadness – a low-grade heaviness that lingers
Shame – wondering if being single means you’ve failed somehow
Anger or bitterness – especially toward couples or happy families
Anxiety – about the future, aging, or “running out of time”
Numbness – going through the motions without really feeling present
None of these emotions make you broken.
They make you human in a season that asks a lot emotionally.
“Feeling lonely doesn’t mean your life lacks meaning, it means connection matters to you.”
3 Kind and Gentle Things You Can Do for Yourself During This Time
Not everything needs to be “fixed” right now. Sometimes the goal is simply to be less harsh with yourself.
Here are three gentle ways to care for yourself during the holidays when loneliness shows up.
1. Let Yourself Name the Feeling Without Judging It
Instead of immediately trying to distract, minimize, or talk yourself out of loneliness, try naming it.
This might sound like:
“This is lonely. And that makes sense.”
“This season is hard for me.”
“I’m missing having a go-to person right now.”
You don’t need to justify it or compare it to others who “have it worse.”
Naming the feeling often softens it.
“You don’t have to solve loneliness to deserve compassion for it.”
2. Create Small Anchors of Meaning That Aren’t About Romance
When everything feels centered around couples or families, it helps to intentionally create moments that are just for you.
This might include:
A quiet morning ritual you only do during the holidays
Cooking a meal that feels grounding, not performative
Volunteering in a way that feels aligned, not obligatory
Taking a short trip or day outing to break routine
These aren’t distractions. They’re reminders that your life still holds meaning, even in quieter seasons.
3. Limit the Places That Intensify Comparison
This isn’t about avoidance; it’s about emotional boundaries.
You might gently:
Take breaks from social media
Decline events that feel more draining than supportive
Leave gatherings earlier without explaining yourself
You’re allowed to protect your emotional energy.
“You don’t owe anyone access to you at the cost of your own well-being.”
5 Ways a Therapist Can Help with Holiday Loneliness
Loneliness can feel deeply personal, but it’s often layered with patterns, beliefs, and past experiences that deserve care.
Here’s how therapy can help during this season.
1. Helping You Untangle Loneliness from Self-Worth
Many single adults quietly equate being alone with being unlovable.
A therapist helps you separate:
Relationship status from personal value
Temporary seasons from permanent truths
Emotions from identity
Loneliness becomes something you’re experiencing, not something you are.
2. Processing Grief for Relationships and Futures That Didn’t Happen
Therapy creates space to grieve:
Past relationships without romanticizing them
The timeline you thought your life would follow
The losses that don’t always get acknowledged
Unprocessed grief often fuels loneliness more than the absence of a partner itself.
3. Challenging the Stories That Make the Holidays Harder
A therapist can gently help you notice patterns like:
“Everyone else has someone”
“I should be happier than this”
“I’ll always be alone”
These thoughts aren’t facts, but when left unchecked, they deepen isolation.
4. Building Emotional Regulation Skills for Triggering Moments
Holiday gatherings, quiet evenings, or intrusive memories can spike emotions quickly.
Therapy helps you develop tools to:
Sit with discomfort without spiraling
Soothe your nervous system when waves of loneliness hit
Respond to emotions instead of being overwhelmed by them
5. Helping You Build a Life That Feels Full—Not on Hold
Therapy isn’t about “fixing” your singlehood.
It’s about helping you build a life that feels meaningful now, not someday when circumstances change.
“Your life doesn’t begin when someone else arrives. It’s already happening.”
We are here for you…
If the holidays feel lonely, it doesn’t mean you’re failing at life or love.
It means this season touches tender places:
The need for connection
The desire to be seen
The hope for shared moments
Those needs are not flaws. They’re part of being human. And you don’t have to carry them alone.
If this time of year feels heavier than you expected, therapy can offer support, clarity, and grounding without judgment, pressure, or quick fixes. Contact us today to get connected with a therapist today.
